The Trouble With Sloths
by Agent047
Summary: Sid, the sloth from the movie Ice Age, ends up on the Enterprise as a specimen for study, and wreaks havoc everywhere he goes.
1. Chapter 1

**THE TROUBLE WITH SLOTHS**

Note: This is my first fanfic, so bear with me. Please read and review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, or Sid (thankfully). I only wish I was Captain of the Enterprise.

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Captian's log, Stardate 4327.6. Starfleet has sent the Enterprise__ to the distant planet Zwicky 4 to retrieve a specimen for study. Since Zwicky 4 is often confused with Zwicky 5, a signaling device has been put on the planet Zwicky 4 to direct us, so there is no confusion. We are approaching orbit of the planet Zwicky 4..._Enterprise 

"Mr.Sulu, orbital approach," Captain James Kirk said.

"Aye, Captain. Orbital approach," Sulu replied, entering the correct coordinates.The _Enterprise_ slowly drifted into a graceful orbit around the planet.

"Mr.Spock, Mr.Chekov, with me," the Captain said, heading for the turbolift. "Mr.Sulu, you have the bridge."

Captain Kirk stepped onto the turbolift, followed by Spock, the Vulcan first officer, and Chekov. When they stepped off the turbolift, they went directly to the transporter room, where Doctor McCoy was waiting for them, along with the rest of the away team.

"An unidentified specimen from an unidentified planet," the doctor muttered as the away team stepped onto the transporter platform. "What next?"

Ignoring the doctor's comment, Captain Kirk gave the command to energize the transporter.

A few seconds later, the away team materialized on the planet's surface. "I hate that thing," McCoy said.

Spock opened his tricorder. "I am getting life readings from that direction." Spock pointed.

"All right, everyone," the Captain said. "Phasers on stun. Proceed with caution."

The members of the away team switched their phasers to stun, and moved towards the tricorder's signal. After walking for a while, they came upon a creature that was playing with a Starfleet-style beacon. Captain Kirk stepped behind a bush, motioning for the rest of the away team to follow. They all watched the creature with fascination.

"Keptin," Chekov said, in his Russian accent. "Vhat is it?"

"That's our specimen, Mr.Chekov," the Captain answered.

At this, the "specimen" picked up a stick and began violently beating the beacon with it. The security officers didn't quite succeed in resisting the urge to laugh.

Captain Kirk cautiously stood up and walked slowly over to the strange creature. Spock and Doctor McCoy followed him. The creature pointed the stick at them. "Aiee! Stay back! I have been trained in the mighty ways of... of..." The creature paused. "Fending you off with a stick!"

"It talks!" Chekov excaimed from behind the bush.

Captain Kirk looked down at the creature. "I am Captain James T. Kirk, of the starship _Enterprise_."

"Yes. And I am Sid. _The_ Sid. The _almighty_ Sid. And if you do not stay back, I will be forced to use... well... force!"

McCoy rolled his eyes.

Captain Kirk signaled for the security crew to join them and bring the cage for the specimen. The security crew came over with the cage, and tried to get the creature to go into the cage.

"What is that?" Sid asked.

"It's the Land of Perfect," McCoy said sarcastically. "You'll love it once you get in there."

At this, Sid willingly went into the cage. But once he was in there, he started to realize that the cage wasn't as perfect as he had been led to think. He started to throw himself violently around the cage, shaking the bars, and trying to escape, while yelling at the top of his lungs.

"Keptin," Chekov said. "Should ve do something about it?"

"No," the Captain answered. "It can work out its own problems."

"Are you sure about that?" McCoy asked.

Captain Kirk ignored him and took out his communicator. "Scotty, beam us up," he said. "And you might want to have a security crew waiting for us," he added.

"But why?" Scotty asked.

"You'll understand when we get up there."

"Aye, sir."

A moment later, they were standing on the transporter platform, back up on the _Enterprise _with the caged Sid, who was no longer throwing himself at the cage walls. He had resorted to banging on them with the stick he still held.

"Doctor McCoy, take this... this... _thing_ to sickbay," Captain Kirk said.

"What!" the doctor cried. "I don't want it!"

"No, but Starfleet does. I suggest you do as you're told."

"All right," McCoy reluctantly agreed. "But I'm taking the security crew with me." He motioned to two of the security officers, who lifted Sid's cage and carried it out of the transporter room. McCoy followed them, muttering to himself.

Sid had finally stopped banging on the cage. "Where are you taking me? You evil kidnappers, you!"

"To sickbay," McCoy answered, not looking at Sid.

"What!" Sid cried. "I'm not sick! Let me out of here!"

"I don't think so."

"If you don't let me out of here, I'll... I'll..." Sid paused, trying to come up with a threat that actually sounded threatening. But, unable to think of anything, he went back to banging the cage with his stick.

Meanwhile, Captain Kirk, Spock, and Chekov headed back to the bridge. As soon as they reached the bridge, Captain Kirk said, "Mr.Sulu, set coordinates for Starfleet Headquaters. Maximum warp."

"In a hurry, Captain?" Sulu asked when he heard the order for maximum warp.

"Quite frankly, Sulu, yes, we are." Captain Kirk sat down in his chair. He pushed the button that would let him speak directly to sickbay. "Doctor McCoy, progress report," he said.

"What progress?" McCoy shouted.

"What's the matter, Bones?" the Captain asked, grinning slightly. "Isn't "Sid" behaving for you?"

"Not behaving! That's an understatement. It ran away!"

"What!" Captain Kirk cried. "You mean that thing is loose in my ship?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

Captain Kirk switched to the shipwide com system. "Full security alert. I want everyone to be on the lookout for a strange creature who calls himself Sid. Phasers on stun. Beware, he is armed... with a stick." Captain Kirk switched off the com, stood up, and left the bridge.

As soon as the Captain had left, Sulu turned to Chekov and asked, "What _is_ this thing?"

Captain Kirk hurried down the hallway to sickbay. Doctor McCoy was there, next to Sid's empty cage. "Bones," he said, imploringly. "How could you let it get away?"

"Don't say it that way, Jim," McCoy said. "You make it sound as if I did it on purpose."

"What happened?"

"Well, we brought the cage in here and set it down right here. The thing had calmed down a little, and so I decided we should let it out, and see what it did," McCoy explained. "The security officers were right here, and I opened the door just a little bit. But as soon as I did, that creature jumped out of the cage and bolted out the door."

"Did you see which way it went?"

"No."

The Captain sighed. "I guess all we can do now is hope the security team finds it before it gets itself into trouble."


	2. Chapter 2

Schematization: Thank you for the helpful review! I hope some of your questions will be answered in this chapter!

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Doctor McCoy stepped onto the bridge, followed by Captain Kirk. 

Suddenly, the ship came to a sudden stop and took a sharp turn upwards. McCoy stumbled backwards into the Captain, and both of them fell back into the turbolift. The doors closed, and the turbolift started to move back down.

"What was that?" McCoy shouted.

"It had better not be what I think it is," Captain Kirk muttered, stopping the turbolift and sending it back up to the bridge.

When they stepped off the turbolift for the second time, the Captain immediately went to his chair and activated the com system. "Scotty," he demanded. "What happened?"

"It's that thing you brought from the planet, Captain!" Scotty cried. "It's gone mad! It's into the engines and I can't make it stop!"

The ship took a sharp left turn, nearly throwing the Captain from his chair.

"I'll be right there," Captain Kirk said, regaining his balance. He called for a security team to meet him in engineering, then started towards the turbolift. "Bones, you'd better come, too."

McCoy followed him onto the turbolift, muttering something about "that psychotic, stick-weilding thing".

When they arrived in engineering, they were met by chaos. Sid was running around wildly, waving his stick. Several of the engineers were chasing him, but having no success. Sid was much faster, and much more agile than the engineers.

Sid jumped up onto one of the computers, brandishing his stick. "Stay back!" he shouted at the engineers. "I have a stick!"

One of the engineers advanced towards Sid, but Sid swung his stick, catching the engineer across the head. "Ha ha! Take that!" Sid cried. "Now, who's next?" Sid took a step backwards, onto the computer's navigating controls, sending the ship into a hard right turn that threw everyone across the room.

"You've got to do something!" Scotty pleaded. "Hurry! Before it destroys everything!"

The security team had arrived, and they moved towards Sid, phasers drawn. When Sid saw them, he planted himself defiantly in front of them, waving his stick. "Stay back!" he said. "Keep your evil, weaponie thingies away from me!"

One of the security officers fired a single shot from his phaser, catching Sid directly in the chest. Sid fell, unconcious, stunned.

"You oughtta keep that thing locked up, Captain," Scotty said. "It's likely to destroy the whole ship!"

"Yes, we'll be more careful in the future," the Captain said. "Won't we, Bones?" he added.

McCoy scowled.

The security officers picked up the unconcious Sid and carried him back to his cage in sickbay, and locked him in it.

"What _are_ we going to do about this... this _thing_, Jim?" McCoy asked, when the security officers had left sickbay.

"Keep it locked up," the Captain said. "And as soon as it wakes up, we'll give it a very thorough explanation of the rules itis expectedto follow while on the _Enterprise_."

A few hours later, Sid found himself sitting in the briefing room, strapped to a chair. Captain Kirk, Spock, and Doctor McCoy sat across from him. "What is the meaning of this?" Sid demanded, pulling at the straps holding him to the chair. "I demand to be released!"

"I'm sure you do," Captain Kirk said. "But first, you're going to listen to what I have to say."

"No long speeches, please. I have a very short attention span."

"I don't doubt it," McCoy muttered.

Captain Kirk ignored the doctor's comment, and looked directly at Sid. "First of all, I am the Captain of this ship, so you must do whatever I tell you to do."

"Mister Bossy," Sid said.

"And I am telling you to behave," the Captain continued. "Running through the ship and wrecking things is not acceptable. From this point forward, you are not allowed to go anywhere without my permission, and even then you must be accompanied by someone."

"Release me!" Sid demanded, struggling to free himself from the straps. "I demand to be released!"

"Not yet," the Captain said. "I want you to tell me some things about yourself."

"Well," Sid began. "My name is Sid, and I'm a sloth. My favorite color is blue, like the sky. I like to eat berries and veggetables. I'm not a carnivore like those evil tigers. They're really scary, you know. They've got really sharp teeth, and they're always trying to eat me. But I did know this tiger once, and he didn't try to eat me. Well, I guess he did at first, but then we got to be kind of friends, you know? There were these other tigers attacking us, and he fought them off. Actually, he almost died, and at first I thought he had, and I was really sad. But he wasn't dead! And so I was really happy. And then--"

"Sid, that's enough," Captain Kirk said. "Maybe you could tell me a little bit about the planet you live on."

"Oh, yes. My home, sweet home," the sloth said. "Well, there are lots of nice trees for me to climb. Sloths love to climb trees, you know. And there are lots of yummy berries for me to eat. It's really nice down there, except in the winter. Then it gets really cold and snowy."

"Sounds a lot like Earth," Bones commented.

"I love my home," Sid continued. "But you evil kidnappers took me away from my beloved home. I was just wandering around, kinda lost, minding my own buisiness, and I found this little box that was shaped like a stretched-out square--"

"A rectangle," Spock supplied.

"Yes, a rectangle," Sid said. "Well, anyway, I was playing with it. It was really neat. It was kind of grayish-shiny color--"

"Silver," Spock said.

"Sure, whatever. And it had this big, red... _this-shaped_ button on it." With some difficulty, Sid made his hand into the shape of a circle.

"Circular," Spock corrected him, in a tone that bordered on annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sid said. "You and your technical terms."

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Well, anyway," the sloth continued. "I demand to be released! You evil kidnappers."

"We are not kidnapping you," the Captain said. "We are just taking you to somewhere else. Some important people want to see you."

"I am the almighty Sid," Sid announced proudly. "I am the most important person I know."

"Yes, and because of your importance, these people want to meet you," McCoy said.

"Oh..." Sid said, obviously considering this. "Yes, of course," he said importantly.

"And we are not kidnapping you," the doctor insisted. "We are simply bringing you to where you can meet these people."

"Yes," the Captain agreed. "And while you are on the ship, you must promise to behave by the rules I explained to you."

"Rules?" the sloth repeated inquiringly.

"Don't tell me he's forgotten already," McCoy muttered.

"Oh, those rules!"

McCoy rolled his eyes.

"Release me," Sid demanded.

"All right," Captain Kirk consented. "I will untie you, but only if you promise to behave."

Sid seemed to be considering this. Finally he said, "Yes, yes, okay."

Captain Kirk eyed him warily, but untied the straps that were holding Sid to the chair.

As soon as he had removed the last strap, Sid jumped up and bolted from the room. "Yahoo!" he cried happily. "I'm free!"

Captain Kirk jumped to catch him, but had to draw back in order to avoid getting his arm caught in the closing turbolift doors.

"Here we go again," McCoy said. "That was brilliant, Jim, releasing him."

"I wanted to see if we could trust him."

"Well, apparently, we can't. And now that thing is off to destroy the entire ship."


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the reviews!

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An hour later, Sid had still not been found.

Captain Kirk was sitting in his chair on the bridge, when Doctor McCoy came charging out of the turbolift. "Jim!" he cried. "I just walked into sickbay, and the whole place has been trashed!"

"Trashed?" the Captain repeated.

"Yes! A huge mess! Medical supplies everywhere, some broken, and no doubt some hopelessly lost. One of the computers has been tampered with; I don't know how I'll ever set the records straight again!" The doctor was nearly hysterical.

"Calm down, Bones," the Captain said. "We'll get the mess cleaned up, and then deal with whatever is missing or broken."

"It's that sloth! I just know it!" McCoy continued. "What _was_ Starfleet thinking? This so-called specimen is likely to destroy the entire ship, jepordize the safety and sanity of the entire crew! They could have at least warned us before we brought something like that onto our ship! Sometimes I wonder how those bereaucrats ever made it through the academy, neglecting important things like this! Who knows what that sloth will do next? Suppose it gets into engineering again and sends us out into the middle of the neutral zone with no power? Or worse--"

The com link on the Captain's chair lit up. "Kirk here," the Captain said.

"We have contained the sloth, sir," came the voice of a security officer.

"Good work," Captain Kirk told the officer. "And where is the sloth now?"

"In the brig, sir."

"You might want to post a guard," McCoy suggested.

"All right," Captain Kirk said, ignoring the doctor's comment. "I will be right down there." He stood up and stepped onto the turbolift.

"I'm coming, too," McCoy muttered, as he followed.

They went down to the brig, and found Spock standing outside a cell that contained Sid.

"Hello, Sid," Captain Kirk said, coming over to stand next to his first officer.

The sloth was standing just inches from the forcefield, poking at it with his stick. "Ooh..." he marveled. "Magic."

"Not exactly."

Sid looked up at the Captain. "I demand to be released," the sloth said.

"The last time I set you free, you destroyed sickbay."

"I was looking for my stick," Sid explained.

"I see... Well, did you find it?"

"Yes!" Sid proudly held the stick above his head. "My keen eyes and sharp wits were no match for your hiding place!"

"Hey!" McCoy shouted suddenly. "That's mine!"

"No," the sloth said, putting the stick behind his back. "My stick."

"That's not your stick, that's one of my hypos! Give that back!"

"No, it's mine!" Sid insisted.

"Look, Sid, that could be dangerous. Let me have it and I'll find your stick for you, all right?"

"I like this better than my stick," the sloth said defiantly. He held the hypo in front of him again, examining it. "It's grayish-shiny color..."

"Silver," Spock corrected him.

"Yeah, yeah, you and your technical terms," Sid said, waving a hand dismissively. "But it's so... so... wow...!"

"I'm deactivating the forcefield," McCoy announced. "Be ready to catch it if it runs." He deactivated the forcefield and stood right in front of Sid. "Give me the hypo, Sid," he commanded.

"No!" the sloth cried, hiding the hypo behind his back. "It's mine. You evil kidnappers!"

"I thought we already went over this. We are not kidnapping you."

"Mine."

McCoy reached out to grab Sid, but the sloth ducked and bolted past him. Captain Kirk tried to grab Sid, but missed. Sid ran down the hallway, yelling, "Aieee! I'm freeeee!"

Suddenly, Sid tripped and fell, landing right on the hypo he was carrying. McCoy hurried over to the sloth and retrieved the hypo. He looked at the hypo, then down at the sloth.

"What was in that hypo, Bones?" the Captain asked.

"Just a sedative, luckily... or unluckily, depending on how you look at it."

"I see..." Captain Kirk walked over to the unconcious Sid and nudged him slightly with his toe.

"He'll be fine in a couple of hours, Jim," the Doctor said. He looked down at Sid. "What should we... ah... do with it?"

The Captain shrugged. "Put it back in the cage, I suppose... Lock it up. Tightly."


	4. Chapter 4

Spoccer276: Thank you for the nice review! I hope you continue to read as I update.

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The next morning, Doctor McCoy went into sickbay early, to see how the cleanup was going. Things looked a lot more normal than they had the day before. Smiling to himself, the Doctor went into the next room to check on Sid. 

The sloth's cage was sitting innocently on the floor. McCoy knelt down next to it and looked inside. "What the-- IT'S GONE!" he shouted, standing up.

Nurse Chapel poked her head into the room. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Yes, something is wrong! That sloth--Sid--it's gone! GONE! I locked it in that cage myself! How could it have gotten out?"

"Oh, well... er... Actually, Doctor, I let it out..."

"You _WHAT_?"

"I... er, it wanted to, uh, stretch its legs for a minute... I didn't think there could be any harm done! But it ran away before I could--"

"Do you know where it went?"

"No. It took off so fast I couldn't tell which direction it went."

McCoy glared at her a moment longer, then called the Captain. "Jim, we have a problem," he said.

"Please tell me it's not the sloth," Captain Kirk responded.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but it's the sloth. It's escaped again."

"I thought you had locked it up!"

"Don't blame me! Nurse Chapel let it out of its cage!"

The Captain sighed. "All right, all right. I'll let the security teams know to keep an eye out for Sid, and I also want you and some of your people to start looking for it."

"How am I supposed to find a 3-foot sloth on an enormous starship?" the doctor exclaimed.

"Simple. Follow the trail of destruction," Captain Kirk replied. "Kirk out."

Disgusted, McCoy ordered some of the medical people to start searching the ship for the missing sloth.

Meanwhile, Captain Kirk had just returned to his private quarters. He had barely gotten one foot in the room when he noticed the mess. Well, actually, mess was probably the understatement of the century. The entire place had been torn apart, turned upside-down. Nothing was even remotely near its proper place. The bedsheets were lying on the floor in a heap, torn and ruined. The pillow had been destroyed; feathers covered everything. The computer's screen had been smashed and its memory erased.

Captain Kirk hurried out into the hallway and called one of the security members. "Kirk here," he said. "Any luck with finding the sloth?"

"Not yet, sir," the security officer replied.

"Well, I know somewhere you might start looking..."

The Captain had barely finished giving instructions to the security officer, and was heading to the bridge, when he was paged over the com system. "Kirk here," he said into the nearest com link.

"Spock here," came the first officer's voice. "Captain, I have found the sloth."

"You have! Great! Where?"

"I stepped into my quarters and discovered that it had been ransacked. I immediately suspected the specimen because of its previous reputation for reeking havoc, and decided that the specimen might still be hiding somewhere nearby. Upon conducting a thorough search of the room, I discovered the specimen hiding amid a pile of my possessions, which it had dragged under my bed."

"Ah, yes... Well, have you restrained it somehow?"

"Yes," Spock replied. "I rendered the specimen unconcious by employing the use of the Vulcan nerve pinch, which proved most effective, as usual."

"Yes, of course, that's a very handy trick you've mastered," Captain Kirk muttered. "All right, well, I'll get a security team and be there in just a minute. You keep that sloth under control."

"Yes, Captain. Spock out."

Captain Kirk called for a security team to meet him, then hurried on toward Spock's quarters. When he arrived there, the security team was waiting for him. Sid was in a cage, still unconcious.

"Oh, good," the Captain said. "You have the sloth."

"Yes, sir," one of the security officers said. "What should we do with it?"

The Captain shrugged. "Put it in the brig."

The security officers looked at each other.

"Just do it. And make sure he's locked in tightly."

"Whatever you say, sir," the security officer said. The security team headed away towards the brig.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks again for all the reviews! Sorry it took so long to get the next chapter up.

* * *

"I demand to be released!" Sid was pacing back and forth in the brig, pausing at irregular intervals to bang on the walls with his stick. "Release me! I demand to be released!" 

"I'm sorry, Sid," Captain Kirk told the sloth. "I can't do that."

"And why not?"

"Because you've proven to us that you are destructive and untrustworthy. If I let you out of there, you'll destroy the entire ship."

"No I won't. Not the _entire_ ship..."

Doctor McCoy rolled his eyes.

"Release me," Sid demanded again.

"No. Not until we reach our destination," the Captain said.

Sid dropped to his knees and held his clasped hands in front of him. "Pleeeze?" the sloth begged.

"I said no."

"Mister Bossy." Sid stood up again and resumed pacing.

"We are going to leave you now," the Captain told the sloth. "Mr.Spock will be here shortlyto guard your cell."

"Spock?" Sid repeated. "You mean Mister Ears." Sid held his fists up to his ears and pointed one finger upward. "Circular thingy-ma-bob," he said, trying and failing to mimick Spock's voice.

McCoy turned away so the Captain wouldn't see him laughing.

"That's the one," Captain Kirk told Sid. "But you call him 'sir'."

"Oooh, big important Mister Ears."

Captain Kirk rolled his eyes and glanced over at McCoy, who could hardly contain his laughter. "Perhaps you need a drink of water," the Captain suggested, frowning.

The doctor composed himself. "Sorry, Jim," he said, still grinning. "But I've never seen a better imitation of Spock in my life."

"Is that so?" a voice said from behind.

McCoy jumped and spun around. "Oh... hello..." he stammered when he sawSpock standing there.

Spock simply raised an eyebrow and looked up at Captain Kirk. "Reporting for guard duty, sir," he said.

"Very good, Mr.Spock," the Captain replied. "Just make sure the sloth doesn't try anything."

"Captain, these cells are completely escape-proof. I--"

"Yes, yes, I know. What I should have said was, make sure nobody else tries anything. Do not let anybody open that door under any circumstances."

"Yes, Captain."

The Captain turned and started off down the hallway with McCoy right behind him.

Sid stuck his tounge out after them, and in doing so, accidentally brought his tongue into contact with the forcefield that contained the cell. There was a loud sizzling of electricity, and the forcefield disappeared. Sid stumbled backwards, slightly dazed.

Spock looked down at Sid, and started to draw his phaser to stun the sloth, but Sid recovered quickly. "I'm freeeeeee!" he cried as he darted past the first officer.

"Captain!" Spock called down the hallway.

Captain Kirk and McCoy turned in time to see Sid running towards them.

"It's loose!" McCoy cried.

Sid pointed his stick at the Captain and the doctor. "Stay back! I have a stick!"

Captain Kirk started to reach for his phaser.

"No weapons, please," Sid said. "I have been trained in the mighty ways of fending you off with a stick! Let me pass and nobody gets hurt!"

Spock fired his phaser, but Sid had already moved, and the stun blast from the phaser hit McCoy instead. Sid ran off down the hallway.

McCoy stumbled against the wall. "Somebody catch that thing!" he panted, fighting the dizziness from the stun blast.

"Are you all right, doctor?" Spock asked.

"Fine," McCoy growled. "No thanks to you."

Spock frowned and looked down at the phaser, as if his off-target shot was all the weapon's fault. "I apologize for my aim. The sloth moved faster than I anticipated."

"You sure you weren't just trying to get back at me for laughing at you?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting that I, a Vulcan, would seek revenge? Honestly, doctor, I would think that--"

"Spock, not now," the Captain interrupted. He went to the nearest com link and alerted security to the loose sloth situation. "Bones, if you're not going to pass out, you can help them search for the sloth."

"What about him?" the doctor demanded, pointing to Spock.

"I want Mr.Spock to find out what went wrong with the forcefield, and fix it."

Spock nodded and walked back to the empty cell. Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy headed for the nearest turbolift.

---

Captain Kirk sat on the bridge, restlessly drumming his fingers on the armrest. An hour later, the sloth still had not been caught. Suddenly, the com link beeped. He jumped and turned it on. "Kirk here."

"Keptin!" Chekov cried from over the link. "There are lima beans on the floor!"

The Captain blinked, not sure he had heard right. "What?"

"Lima beans!" Chekov repeated.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know! They are everywhere! Pouring from the food processor! It must be that specimen from the planet, Keptin. It must have gotten into the food processor, somehow."

"All right, I'll be right there. Kirk out."

When Captain Kirk arrived in the lunch room, he was horrified to find that Chekov's description of the situation had been an understatement. Not only were there lima beans everywhere, the room was also covered with all kinds of veggetables, fruits, and flooded with soup and various beverages. The Captain stared at the chaos for a moment, until he heard an angry shout from across the room. He looked up to see McCoy coming towards him.

"Jim, there you are! Look at this mess! Now that sloth's gotten into our food supply! I swear, Jim, if I ever get my hands on that sloth--"

"Calm yourself, doctor," the Captain said. "I'm sure we'll be able to fix--" The com link on the wall beeped. Captain Kirk went over to it. "Kirk here," he said.

"Captain!" came Uhura's voice. "The sloth is on the bridge!"

"I'll be right there," the Captain said.


	6. Chapter 6

When Captain Kirk arrived on the bridge, he was horrified to see Sid sitting in his chair. He stormed over to the sloth. "What are you doing in _my_ chair?" he demanded.

"Sitting," the sloth said, matter-of-factly.

"You didn't mess anything up, did you?"

"Of course not. I'm just doing the same thing as everybody else, you know, sitting here and pushing buttons."

"What buttons?"

"These." Sid pointed to the buttons on the Captain's chair. "I like that the ones that light up and sparkle. I like sparkly things. They look like magic."

"Which buttons, exactly, did you push?" the Captain asked, worried that Sid might have accidentally sent a transmission to someone that didn't want to be receiving transmissions from Starfleet ships. Klingons, specifically, came to mind.

"All of them," Sid replied. "I didn't want them to feel left out because I didn't pay attention to them, so I just pushed them all."

"What!" the Captain cried. "Oh no..."

"Hey! Mister Bossy, guess what else? This chair is really fun. See what it can do?" Sid spun the chair around. "Wheeeeee!" he cried, gleefully.

Captain Kirk kicked the chair to stop it from spinning.

"See? I bet you didn't know it could do that." Sid tried to spin the chair again, but Captain Kirk kept his foot firmly against it. "Um, excuse me," Sid said. "Move, please."

The Captain ignored the sloth and turned to Uhura. "How long has that thing been in my chair?" he asked, angrily.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe fifteen minutes," Uhura replied.

"Fifteen minutes! Why didn't you contact me sooner? And why didn't you restrain it somehow?"

"He wasn't hurting anything. Isn't he cute, sitting there?"

"NO! He is not! Now, would somebody please get that thing out of my chair and lock it up somewhere?"

"Yes, Captain," Uhura said, meekly. "Right away, sir."

"I am going to find Spock and see if he can tell me why that thing was able to escape from one of the brig's escape-proof cells." The Captain turned and stepped into the turbolift.

He met Spock down at the brig. "What have you found?" the Captain asked.

Spock turned to face the Captain. "The forcefield seems to have short-circuted, Captain."

"Short-circuted? How?"

"I do not know how it happened."

Captain Kirk sighed in frustration. "Well, have you fixed it?"

"I believe so."

"Good. We can't put the sloth back in there, though. It'll just lick itself free again. We'll have to put it back in the cage in sickbay." He grinned. "Bones will be thrilled, I'm sure."

Captain Kirk headed up towards sickbay, but before he could step inside, he was met by McCoy. "Do you mean to tell me that that _thing_ is in my custody again?" the doctor demanded. "What if it gets loose again and tears the place to shreds again? Do you realize how long it took me to get everything back in order after that last attack? What if it gets into something really important this time, like the life-support? Or what if it destroys the engines and weapons, and sends us drifting powerless into the middle of a Klingon-versus-Romulan shootout?"

The Captain raised an eyebrow. "A Klingon-versus-Romulan shootout?" he repeated, amused.

"And don't give me that infuriatingVulcan look!" McCoy shouted, pointing a finger in the Captain's face. "You know perfectly well what that thing can do!"

"All right, all right," the Captain surrendered. "Yes, I know what Sid is capable of."

"I swear, Jim, that sloth is even worse than the tribbles."

Captain Kirk gave the doctor a sharp look. "Nothing was worse than the tribbles," he said with feeling.


	7. Chapter 7

"Captain, we will be reaching the starbase in approximately an hour," Sulu announced.

"There really is a God," McCoy said, looking up at the sky.

"Yes," Captain Kirk said, looking over at the doctor. "Do you think you can possibly keep that thing under control for another hour?"

"It's in the cage, and I intend to keep it there."

"Good."

The turbolift doors opened, and Sid stepped onto the bridge.

"What the--" Captain Kirk cried. "I thought you said it was in the cage!"

"It _was_."

"Hello, kidnapper-people," Sid said.

"Sid," the Captain said to the sloth. "Who let you out of the cage?"

"I did," Sid answered. "With my stick." Sid held up the stick and waved it around. "But don't worry. Ever since I was freed from the box of doom, I've been fixing things."

"Jim, send out a distress signal," McCoy suggested.

"Fixing things?" the Captain repeated, ignoring the doctor. "What kind of things?"

"All kinds of things. There was this box thingy that was grayish-shiny color, and it needed to be fixed."

"And how did you go about... fixing... it?"

"I pushed the buttons. They were shiny and sparkly. They looked like magic."

"It _will_ be magic if we get to the starbase alive," McCoy commented.

"Oh, don't worry. I know I fixed it right. It started shooting out fireworks, like a party!"

"Jim," McCoy said. "Whenever any of our grayish-shiny color box thingies start shooting fireworks, there is bound to be trouble."

"I don't notice anything--"

At that moment, a computerized voice came on. "_Artificial gravity has been de-activated._"

McCoy felt himself start to rise off the floor. "Notice anything now, Jim?" he demanded, glaring at the Captain.

Captain Kirk floated out of his chair. "Uh..."

Sid also floated off the ground. "Wheeeeeeee!" he cried happily. "I'm flying!"

Captain Kirk grabbed the arm of his chair and somehow managed to reach the com link. "Scotty!" he shouted. "I assume you have noticed the problem."

"Yes, Captain!" Scotty replied.

"Can you fix it?"

"I don't know! The parts are floating all over the engine room!"

"Well, anchor them down somehow! I want the gravity back!"

"Aye, sir," Scotty said. "I'll try, sir."

Captain Kirk turned the com link off and looked up at the floating sloth. Sid was standing upside-down on the ceiling, doing some sort of tap-dancing imitation.

"I swear, Jim, if I ever find out who ordered us to pick up that thing, I'll declare him mentally unstable so fast he won't know what hit him!" McCoy said.

"I won't stop you," the Captain said. "Spock!" he called.

"Yes, Captain?" the Vulcan replied, making his way over to where the Captain floated.

"Go down to engineering and see if you can help Scotty fix the problem."

"Yes, Captain." Spock turned and went into the turbolift. A moment later he came back out. "Captain, the turbolift seems to be malfunctioning."

"What do you mean? Won't it move?"

"No."

"So we're all stuck here until Scotty can get it fixed?"

"That seems to be the situation, Captain."

Captain Kirk groaned and looked up at Sid, who was literally bouncing off the walls. "Wheeeee! Wheeee! WaHOOOOOO!" the sloth cried, rocketing past the Captain's head.

"And there's no way to get rid of Sid, either, is there?"

"Not at present," Spock said.

Sid zoomed past again, but this time, the Captain reached up and caught him by the foot. "Stop that!" he shouted at the sloth. "You've done enough damage already! I don't need you to break something else!"

"Or some_one_," McCoy added.

Sid struggled to free himself from the Captain's grasp. Captain Kirk finally let go of the sloth's leg. "I'm freeeeee!" Sid cheered.

"Don't touch anything!" Captain Kirk ordered.

Sid stuck out his tongue. "Mister Bossy."

Thebridge officers were finding the zero-gravity condition very annoying as they tried to stay at their posts. Well, most of them. Chekov had abandoned his attempt at guarding the weapons console and was now turning backflips in midair. "Keptin, you have to edmit, this is kind of fun!" he said.

Captain Kirk rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Jim?" McCoy said. "Do you ever wonder what happens if you throw up in zero gravity?"

The Captain glared at him. "I'd rather not find out!"

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Sid rocketed past again. "I'm flying! Yahoooo!" He slowed to a stop and floated upside-downnext to Spock's head. "Hey, Mister Ears, you should try this! It's a lot of fun!" Sid began flipping himself around.

Spock raised an eyebrow.

Sid stopped spinning. "Hey... That's pretty tricky. How do you do that?" The sloth screwed up his face and tried to raise one eyebrow at a time. Finally he gave up, panting. "It's too hard. Even for the Almighty Sid."

"Captain!" Uhura said. "I think we are receiving a transmission."

"From who?" the Captain asked.

"The starbase, I think. Should I put it on screen?"

"Uhh..." Captain Kirk glanced around the bridge. Chekov was still turning backflips.

"Yes," McCoy said. "When they ask what the heck is going on, we can tell them all about their stupid specimen!"

"All right, on screen," the Captain said.

An image of a starfleet Admiral appeared on the screen. "Captain Kirk?" he said.

"Yes, hello, Admiral," Captain Kirk replied.

The Admiral frowned. "What is going on over there?"

"Uh... We are having some difficulty with our ship. The, uh, specimen got into the artificial gravity. But it's being repaired as we speak."

The Admiral nodded slowly, still frowning slightly and giving Captain Kirk an odd look.

"We should be arriving in just a few minutes," Capatain Kirk said. "With the specimen ready to be turned over to you and your team."

The frown left the Admiral's face. "Good," he said, and the screen went dark.

"Oooh..." Sid said, staring at the darkened screen in awe. "Where did the goofy man go?"

"Don't worry, you'll see him again real soon," McCoy said.

Just then, the gravity came back on without warning. Everyone on the bridge fell to the floor in a very undignified way. Captain Kirk banged his head on the railing as he came down. Sid, on the other hand, landed gracefully in the Captain's chair.

Captain Kirk stood up carefully, rubbing the back of his head, and kicked the sloth out of his chair. Then he hit the com link. "Scotty," he said, his tone slightly threatening. "Some warning would have been nice."

"Sorry, sir," Scotty said. "At least you've got your gravity back."

The Captain detected a smile in the engineer's voice, but decided to let it slide. "Yes. Next time, remember that we would like some notice before we begin a very ungraceful plumet to the floor of the bridge."

"Aye, sir. I'll remember that."

"Kirk out." The Captain turned the com link off and spoke to Sulu. "How long until we reach the starbase?" he asked desparately.

"About forty minutes, sir," Sulu replied.

Captain Kirk turned to McCoy. "Do you think that you can possibly keep that sloth locked up and carefully guarded for a mere forty minutes?"

"I'll lock the cage personally, Jim."


	8. Chapter 8

The _Enterprise_ finally reached the starbase. Sid, carefully locked in his cage, was carried onto the transporter platform by Doctor McCoy and one of the security officers. Captain Kirk, Spock, and Chekov were also going to accompany the sloth to the starbase.

"Release me!" Sid cried, beating his stick against the walls of the cage. "I demand to be released!"

"I'm really getting tired of that phrase," McCoy muttered.

"All right, Scotty, energize," Captain Kirk said, once again displaying his amazing talent for ignoring the doctor's comments.

Scotty beamed them over to the starbase, where they were met by Admiral Ortix, who had spoke with them earlier.

"Ah, yes, the specimen!" the Admiral exclaimed happily. He knelt down to look into Sid's cage, which was carried by Chekov and a security officer. "Hello, there," the Admiral said to the sloth.

Sid stared back at the Admiral. "Who are you?" the sloth demanded. "Are you the ruler of the kidnapper-people?"

"No. I am Admiral Ortix," the Admiral replied.

"And I am Sid. _The_ Sid. The _almighty_ Sid," Sid said.

Admiral Orix stood up. "It speaks?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course I speak!" Sid cried, sounding offended. "I am, in fact, a highly intelligent species."

"Yes, you always know what to do to get on everyone's nerves," McCoy said.

The Admiral gave the sloth a wary look. "Well..." he said, somewhat hesitantly. "Let's get the, ah, specimen into the examining room, shall we?"

They brought Sid's cage into a small room and set it down on an examining table. Admiral Ortix closed the door behind them. "Well now," he said, sitting down at a computer. "Before we let the specimen out of its cage, what can you tell me about it?"

"Well..." McCoy began. "It never shuts up, for one."

"Oh really?" the Admiral asked, intruiged. "What does it talk about?"

"I don't know. I've learned to block out its mindless babbling."

The Admiral just nodded slowly, typing something into the computer, his expression thoughtful. "What about its eating habits?"

"It doesn't seem to be particularly picky," Captain Kirk said in all seriousness.

"Yes," McCoy agreed. "It does seem to eat anything."

The Admiral began typing again. Then he stood up. "I'm going to bring my science officers in here to examine the specimen. Just a minute."

He left.

Captain Kirk and Dr.McCoy looked at each other.

"Do you suppose he means to let that thing out of the cage?" McCoy asked.

The Captain shrugged. "Seems that way."

"Captain," Spock cut in. "Don't you think it would be wise to give the Admiral a fair warning before allowing him to release this specimen, given its reputation for excessive destructive behavior?"

The Captain and the doctor looked at each other again. McCoy grinned. "I won't tell if you won't."

The Captain nodded. "Everyone must make his own discoveries."

"But Captain--" Spock began.

"Spock, if I have to order you not to say anything, I will."

"Yes, Captain," Spock relented.

"Though I guess I would kind of hate to think about what that sloth might do to the starbase..." The Captain shrugged.

Admiral Ortix returned, followed by his science officers. "All right," he said. "Let's have a look at that specimen." He walked over to the cage. "How does this open?"

"The little clasp on the side," McCoy supplied.

"Ah, yes. Thank you." The Admiral opened the cage.

Right on cue, Sid rocketed out of the cage. "Weeeeeee! I'm freeeeeeeeee!" he cried gleefully, shooting across the floor, waving his stick.

The science officers dove to try and catch thefleeing sloth, but missed. Sid escaped from the room, squealing and whooping with joy.

Admiral Ortix stared at the empty cage, stunned. "Does it... always do that?"

"Oh, occasionally," Captain Kirk said. "He's just... curious. Likes to... to..."

"Explore," Spock supplied.

"That's right. It likes to explore."

"Where do you think it'll go?" the Admiral asked.

"Anywhere, everywhere, some place you didn't even know existed. He's not to hard to find. You just have to follow his... trail."


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry it took so long to update. Hope you hadn't given up on me.

* * *

The starbase's security teams were all on the alert, looking for Sid. After an hour, their extensive search had still yielded no results. McCoy was starting to get worried. 

"I don't like to think about what that thing could do to the life support systems!" the doctor exclaimed. "What if it cuts off the oxygen supply? Or what if it gets into the weapons system and blows us all to deep, dark, oblivion?"

"Then you'll finally get your peace and quiet," the Captain replied.

McCoy scowled.

Admiral Ortix walked into the room.

"Any luck, Admiral?" Captain Kirk asked.

Admiral Orix shook his head. "Nothing. Not even a sign of the specimen."

Spock raised an eyebrow, having been certain that the sloth would have destroyed at least two or three pieces of valuable equipment by now. He found it quite odd that there had been no sign of the sloth. In his previous experience, the sloth would demolish any shiny thing in sight if left alone and unsupervised for more than a brief thirty seconds. He was absolutely certain that the sloth must have gotten into something unseen and destroyed it in a very discreet and unnoticable way. There was also the possibility that the sloth was no longer on the base...

"Captain," Spock said, hoping to share his thoughts and assist in finding the sloth. "It is a possibility that--"

Spock was interrupted by a loud, clashing noise coming over the loudspeaker.

"What is that awful noise?" McCoy shouted, covering his ears.

"It sounds like an electric guitar going through a meat grinder," Chekov observed.

"It sounds more like an army of electric guitars and several thousand bass drums being attacked by a 10-foot jackhammer," McCoy said.

Spock raised an eyebrow at the doctor.

Just then, Sid calmly walked into the room, carrying his stick. "Hello, kidnapper-people," the sloth said, though he was barely heard over the loud noise.

"Sid, do you happen to know anything about that awful noise?" the Captain shouted to the sloth.

"I certainly do," the sloth replied. "It is the music of Falling Rocks."

"Falling Rocks?" the Captain repeated.

"That's certainly what it sounds like," McCoy said.

Captain Kirk ignored him. "What do you mean by Falling Rocks?" he asked the sloth.

"It is music by people who call themselves Falling Rocks," Sid replied. Then he frowned. "Or maybe it was Collapsing Bricks... Or Crumbling Boulders... Or maybe it--"

"I believe Sid is attempting to refer to the Earth band, the Rolling Stones," Spock interrupted.

Sid jumped up and down. "YES! The Rolling Stones!"

"I am familiar with the Rolling Stones," the Captain said. "But I don't recognize this song." He looked down at the sloth. "What song did you play?"

"All of them!" Sid announced proudly. "Quite a time-saver, huh?"

Suddenly the noise stopped.

"What happened?" Sid cried.

"My security team must have found the source and turned the music off," Admiral Ortix explained.

"But why?" Sid demanded. "I wasn't finished listening."

"We were," McCoy said. "And we make the rules here."

"Napoleonic dictators," the sloth muttered.

McCoy stared at Sid, then looked over at Captain Kirk. "Now how is it that that thing can't even remember the word for 'silver', but he talks about Napoleonic dictators?"

The Captain just shrugged.

"I happen to be a highly-evolved species," Sid explained.

"Riiiight," McCoy said. "And I'm Shakespeare."

Sid frowned. "Really? I thought he was taller."

"I was being sarcastic, Sid," McCoy said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh... Hmmm... I had some friends who were very sarcastic. One of them was a mammoth. He was so huge, he accidentally fell on me onceand I almost died!"

"You sure it was an accident?"

Sid frowned, and was deep in thought for a moment. McCoy saw his opportunity and grabbed the sloth and stuffed him back in the cage.

"HEY!" Sid cried. "I'm in a cage!"

"Well, fancy that," McCoy said. Then he turned to the Admiral. "He's all yours."


	10. Chapter 10

Hi guys! I hope you liked this story! And now, the conclusion...

* * *

"Where exactly did you find this... ah... _specimen_?" Admiral Ortix asked Captain Kirk's team, while Sid was in another room being inspected. 

"On planet Zwicky 4," Captain Kirk answered. "Just as you specified."

Ortix nodded, then frowned. "Did you say Zwicky 4?"

The Captain nodded.

"Not Zwicky 5?"

"Don't worry, Admiral. We were very careful to follow the tracking signal."

"You _followed_ the tracking signal?"

The Captain exchanged glances with Doctor McCoy. "Uh... Yes, those were our instructions... weren't they?"

Admiral Ortix smiled slightly and shook his head. "No, your instructions were to steer clear of the signal."

"What?" McCoy cried. "You mean we went through all that trouble and we didn't even go to the right planet?"

"I'm afraid so," the Admiral said. "I began to suspect something was wrong when the specimen appeared mammal-like. The planet Zwicky 5 is very primitive, and highly aquatic. The specimen you were looking for should have been more primitive and suited towards aquatic conditions."

"Like a jellyfish?" McCoy suggested.

"More like an oversized ameba," Admiral Ortix replied. "That is what we were expecting, at least. Our sensors had difficulty actually determining what the specimen was like, since the planet's atmosphere is so thick and wet, and I was open to any possiblity. But once we had seen more of your sloth creature, we could tell that it was not suited to live on an aquatic planet, therefore you must have mistaken the two planets."

Captain Kirk risked a glance in McCoy's direction. The doctor shot him a glare. The Captain looked back at Admiral Ortix. "I apologize for the mix-up," he said. "I remembered being instructed to follow the tracking signal."

The Amiral nodded. "Understandable. Therefore, there will be no lasting consequences for this mistake."

"Thank you, sir," Captain Kirk said, gratefully.

"However," the Admiral continued, "you will be required to remedy this situation."

The Captain nodded. "Quite understandable. We will leave immediately and bring you the proper specimen."

"I appreciate your willingness, of course, but you will have to do a little more than that."

"What else is there?"

"Take the sloth back to where it belongs."

"Take it _back_!" McCoy cried. "You mean, put that thing back on our ship and go all the way back?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I mean," the Admiral replied.

"You're insane!" Chekov cried. "The thing nearly destroyed our ship!"

"What else do you expect me to do? I believe I am being gracious, under the circumstances."

"The Admiral is right," Spock agreed. "If we are at fault, it is only logical that we should remedy the situation."

"Keep your pointy-eared logic out of this!" McCoy snapped. "It's all right for you, you're not the one who has to deal with it."

"On the contrary, Doctor--"

"Stop it, both of you," Captain Kirk said irritably. "It's not helping." He turned to the Admiral. "You're absolutely sure you don't want to ah... keep it for further study?"

The Admiral gave a wry smile. "I'm sure, Captain," he said. "I would suggest that you waste no more time. You've caused enough delay already."

Captain Kirk sighed. "All right, we'll take it back, if there is no alternative."

Admiral Ortix smiled. "Good. We will have its cage beamed aboard your ship."

"Thank you, you're too kind," McCoy muttered.

"And I would suggest that you get going," the Admiral added. "I am leaving on the _Excelsior_ in a few minutes for a brief trip back to Earth. When I return in a week's time, I will be expecting you to be waiting for me with the proper specimen."

----------------

The crewmembers went back to the_ Enterprise_, and prepared to head back to the Zwicky star system. They had not been in warp for five minutes when McCoy stepped onto the bridge, followed by Spock and Scotty.

"Jim," McCoy announced. "We have taken care of our little problem."

Captain Kirk frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I am sure you will be pleased to find the _Enterprise_ refreshingly devoid of a certain Sid the sloth," Spock said.

"What did you do with Sid?" the Captain asked.

McCoy looked over at Scotty and Spock. None of them said anything.

"Bones," the Captain said. "Where is the sloth?"

"Well, it really wasn't my doing," McCoy said. "It was mostly Spock's idea."

"Spock's idea?" the Captain repeated, turning to his first officer. "Spock, where did you take the sloth?"

"I did not take the sloth anywhere," Spock said. "It was Mr.Scott who performed the acutal operation."

The Captain turned to Scotty. "Where is it?" he asked, sounding slightly impatient. "How did you get rid of it?"

"Well, sir, I used the transporter..." Scotty said.

"You didn't beam it back to the starbase, did you?" the Captain cried, sounding slightly worried.

"Of course not, sir!" Scotty said. "Not quite..."

"Then where is the sloth?" Captain Kirk demanded.

"On the _Excelsior_," Scotty announced finally.

"The _Excelsior_?" the Captain repeated.

"Aye," Scotty said. "Just before they went into warp, I beamed the creature onto their bridge."

"Their _bridge_?"

"Well, I thought it was only right to give the captain a fair warning before his lower decks were torn to shreds," Scotty reasoned.

"And the great thing is, Jim," McCoy said. "If anyone asks, that thing got into the transporter and beamed itself over there. So we're off the hook."

Captain Kirk sat dumbfounded for a moment, then he started laughing. "This was _Spock's_ idea, you say?"

"Based purely on logic, of course," Spock said quickly. "Given the specimen's previous record for being a terrible nusiance and distraction, and knowing that we had endured more than our fair share of its destructiveness, I concluded that it was only logical--"

"Oh come on, Spock," McCoy said, rolling his eyes. "There was no logic involved, and you know it. You wanted to get back at Ortix for making us carry that thing just as much as I did."

"Doctor, revenge is hardly a logical--"

"Give it up, Spock. I know what your motives were. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone." The doctor gave Spock a wink as he disappeared into the turbolift, leaving the Vulcan uncharacteristically speechless.

"What's the matter, Spock?" Captain Kirk asked, a grin spreading across his face. "Sloth got your tongue?"

* * *

**the end**


End file.
